Symmetry

Sheffield Wednesday v Watford

Saturday 13^th September

A full weekend in London started with London CAAT’s second Merchants of Death walk – shortened to ten Central London offices – starting at Victoria (and INSYS Lockheed Martin) as before but ending with MBDA and drinks at the Chandos. The decision to do the walking tour on a Saturday may have been one of the reasons why more than twice as many people turned up but Edda’s PR work undoubtedly contributed. There was no escort today, though I’d received a call earlier in the week from someone at Charing Cross police station and we were asked what we were doing outside Aegis (opposite Scotland Yard) and I was told to put my sign down in “a royal park” (outside Buckingham Palace).

At home, Jun had already fed my mum and Brian when I returned and I checked the score (WFC went down 2-0 at Hillsborough), we caught a bus (Oysters and passes) to Waterloo Bridge and the Thames Festival. We started on Thames Beach and then walked east along the South Bank (taking in some Korean taekwondo as part of their Ch’usok or Harvest Moon festival) and had drinks at Doggetts by Blackfriars bridge. We were too late for the Feast on the Bridge so crossed London Bridge and caught a taxi to Chinatown.

On Sunday we played a little Wii and then did much the same route for the second day of the festival. We caught a little parkour and some Indian dancing, though the highlight for mum and Brian seemed to be the drunk guy who joined the Bollywood-style boogie. More drinks at the same pub led to a number 17 home and Jun’s cooking. We saw them off with vases, jars of sauce, a camera and a phone and said “see you on the other side of the world” (Beijing in 40 days).

Boring, boring Watford

Watford v Ipswich Town
Saturday 30th August

I shared the journey to Watford Junction with Trevor and Kasey, who’d stayed at ours Friday and were heading back after 26 hours of games and play. On the train, my niece was quieter but as stuck to her father as ever. A fortnight previously we’d walked along the canal to Camden but, though it was close Friday, it was typically grey and we curtailed the same trip. The sun was out for the football though, even at the later kick-off time of 5.20.
I said temporary goodbyes and cycled to Kerry’s to walk with Joss in my sweaty Blissett t-shirt and as we neared the stadium we heard a cheer that could only have been for a goal for the visitors and so it proved. The guy behind us, who asked me Tuesday to look out for Fender valves in Tokyo when I told him I was going to Japan, told us that Poom had messed up a clearance kick and the attacker whose feet the ball landed at capitalised. I asked if he knew the Carling Cup draw and informed him that we had West Ham home, which Joss had guessed when I said it was a Premiership team.
The Horns looked bright for the first ten minutes we saw but Tamas Priskin seemed off the pace (again). Ipswich played some nice stuff though and looked like they could add another but Poom was making up for his earlier error. John Harley had a great diving header rebound off the post but as the Tractor Boys taunted us with the usual numbers, the fans were having a hard time getting behind the team until after half-time when they were attacking the Rookery end. The second half saw the Golden Boys with renewed vigour and momentum. John Joe O'Toole had come on for the championship debutting defender Joprdan Parkesand provided the attacking edge that comes along with his (sometimes) headless chicken running.
It was fifteen minutes before the energy paid off and John Eustace headed in from a corner. Watford continued to pile on the pressure and even when Jobi McAnuff hit the bar from a few yards off, I remained optimistic. I was right to be so. McAnuff had another shot parried with minutes left and JJ was there to head in the rebound, give us 3 points, and leave us eighth in the league.

Carling relief

Watford v Darlington (Carling Cup 2nd Round)
Tuesday 26th August

Realised at a Euston bike-stand that I’d left my keys at home; boarded a train 25 mins later that was cancelled after another 10; squeezed onto a second train which was also cancelled (lost my earphone plastic); had to sort out the fact that Joss’ season ticket hadn’t loaded the payment. We hadn’t missed much when we got in though. Watford were shooting towards us in the Rookery and Tamas Priskin did have a chance not long later. As against Bristol Rovers in the first round, the team was a combination of the young and the bloodied. Lewis Young started and showed potential but Tamas Priskin and Will Hoskins up front together only once produced a move that impressed: a touch and flick that came to nothing.
Young had a shot prevented from crossing the line by Hoskins but Damien Francis scored not long afterwards and we were more concerned with half-time breaks than our lack of domination against a League Two side with two points in three games (a mere 28 more than our erstwhile rivals). There were warning signs as the second half dragged, not least Scott Loach making a very good save low to his left. It was how the evening started, however, that means I could have predicted an injry-time equaliser and extra time. Penalties loomed until substitute John Joe O’Toole netted to relieved cheers with minutes left.

Inflatable Kangaroos

Olympic Closing Ceremony
Sunday 24th August

I am no connoisseur of Olympic ceremony history but as the last of the firework smoke above the Bird’s Nest diffused effortlessly into Beijing’s notorious air, London’s contribution hung around like a wet fart. The BBC voice described the eight minute London 2012 section as “fun”, “quirky”, “energetic, youthful and entertaining”, only the second of which was true. Nevertheless, David Beckham goalie-kicking a ball off an out-sized double-decker bus – which opened out more like the Batmobile than an English rose – felt sadly appropriate.
Beckham’s transitory fame was only the natural progression of a focus on iconic images. How do you match the Great Wall? A CGI of graffiti being sprayed. The video encompassed “our” architecture: Big Ben, the Gherkin, Tate Modern and the London Eye as well as the architecture of our lives: a zebra crossing, a black cab, cyclists and umbrellas. All of it would have been lost on the Chinese, Jun assures me. Some of it was lost on me. How can cyclists be ‘uniquely London’ in China? Didn’t Katie Melua sing that song years ago?
China organise choreography’s epitome. Some guys in Soho represent us through Jimmy Page and Leona Lewis singing “Whole lotta love”. Err, couldn’t they at least have persuaded Elton John to change a few lyrics (again) and plink-plonk “Olympic Torch in the Wind”? Finally, the dancers unveil a girl chosen by Blue Peter viewers (after the cat-naming scandal, I was forced to consider that this child may have been pre-chosen to reinforce the multicultural make-up of the choir). It felt like a big unfunny in-joke.
Perhaps I was just cynical because we’d had to witness Boris Johnson bumbling in with half his hands in his jacket pockets, slouching alongside a podium of stiff spines and better tucking-in. The traditional circus ditty – my ex-ringtone – troubles my grey matter associations whenever I see him. Probably not as painful as A Clockwork Orange, though. The clown preceded a strangely impotent flag and “our” national anthem. I karaoke the Pistols’ God Save The Queen but loathe the god & monarch trite.
Comforted by the commentator’s sketch of the Sydney eight minutes (see title), I was able to enjoy her qualification of London: “the coolest place on the planet, say the organisers”. Yet Londoners shown celebrating were doing so on the Mall, outside Buckingham Palace. We subjects with no written constitution and a royal family that we implore a deity to “save”, so cool. At least we have newspapers.

Home and Away, Away and Home

Watford v Charlton Athletic

Saturday 16^th August

Though the season has just begun, I couldn’t help but feel a bit Groundhog Day as the minutes passed on our first home league game of the 2008/9 season. The starting line-up was (slightly) different to any I’d ever seen, the subs’ bench included new on-season-long-loan Grzegorz Rasiak, and the first-team is trying to play a new style of football. Nevertheless, the elements of familiarity have bred sufficient ennui for me to recognise it in my own celebration of man-of-the-match Tommy Smith’s goal after half an hour.

Although Charlton were down to ten men before half-time, the Hornets didn’t really look like adding to the total until after Rasiak had come on for Tamas Priskin and put himself in the sort of positions the Hungarian doesn’t seem to find. It finished 1-0 though.

Got back to go out with Nicola and say goodbye before she went back to Brisbane. Beers in the Montagu Pike, where I was regaled with Julie’s exploits in too much detail, were followed by more and boogie in Bordeline, watching Faisel try to chat up every member of a hen party and more.

Nottingham Forest v Watford

Saturday 23^rd August

Followed the latter part of the match through TV updates as we watched highlights of the Olympics. The three clean sheets we’ve kept were undone by Forest, who took the lead twice only for Tommy Smith to equalise. Their third goal was the final one of the match.

Hanna and Rodney came round later and I proceeded to lose at tennis, golf and boxing on the Wii and at Texas Holdem too.

All around me are...

Watford v Bristol Rovers (Carling Cup 1^st Round)

Tuesday 12^th August

Joss met me in the shop having had to go back for his season ticket and we got him the new season’s shirt before queuing at our turnstiles, which will obviously be unable to cope when we get to the league games, and in just after kick-off to our slightly wet seats. Familiar faces behind but not in front: the ground was less than a third full and the glass felt the same way. We needed the programme to identify certain players: Theo Robinson (back from a long loan at Hereford), Ross Jenkins (namesake of one of the Taylor-era greats) and Jon Harley, while Scott Loach made his first start in a game we’ve seen.

It was clear that we were trying to keep the ball on the ground and equally so that we are not yet an accomplished passing side. Will Hoskins, replacing Tamas Priskin – who has a head injury – looked sharp and his low centre of gravity helped him make a few runs that were just a turn or two short of mazy. Robinson also looked dangerous at points but was unable to convert chances he created. At the back, Mat Sadler, Leigh Bromby, Adrian Mariappa and transfer-listed Lloyd Doyley dealt comfortably with the League One’s front men while the midfielders generally negated each other.

We took the opportunity of the break to get warm food and out of the cold and saw on the screens that Moses Ashikodi had put his loan side (Hereford again) ahead at Crystal Palace. “Typical,” I felt. Theo scored loads for them last season and now Moses may do the same. Meanwhile, we can’t score for the proverbial boiled sugar and butter. After half-time we moved back a few rows to avoid the latest shower and endured a half whose highlight was their keeper getting hit with a ball thrown back from the crowd and, five minutes later, retaliating when a kid tried the same thing from the row in front of where we’d been. Philips took some stick the rest of the match for that.

Watford substitutes included Ashley Young’s younger brother Lewis but it was another, Billy Gibson, who had the greater effect. I had not been looking forward to extra-time but fortunately was spared it when Hoskins latched on to a Gibson pass and coolly slotted home. Joss wants Luton at home (partly, I think, to taunt them over their thirty point deduction) but I am easy. This match was not.

Going to the dogs

Crystal Palace v Watford

Saturday 9^th August

Even before we’d been defeated by eventual play-off winners Hull City at the end of last season, Jordan Stewart had been allowed to leave. Nathan Ellington was loaned to Derby, where he joined Stewart, after one season as our record signing and departed with some words about the style of play he preffered. Danny Shittu seemed poised to join Rangers all summer but went to Bolton for £2 million a week or so ago and Darius Henderson left for the same fee to rivals Sheffield United, where he has already scored in pre-season. Other peripheral players left too and coming in we had Jon Harley from Burnley on a free. Meanwhile the chairman has announced that we have somehow spent all the money that we earned in our premiership season and from the sales of Ashley Young, Hameur Bouazza (now at Charlton) and Marlon King (now at Hull in the premiership).

There is talk that we may need to offload Tommy Smith and Jobi McAnuff this month too while the need for a striker was underlined by the nil-nil draw we got at Selhurst Park today. While there were “handbags” during a game we dominated, I was with Jun and friends in Chinatown pretending that going sixths on dim sum was a fair deal for a vegetarian before Rod gave three of us a lift to Walthamstow Stadium for one of the last evenings of greyhound racing there. I’d happily have traded the few pounds down I was on the races for a point away against a team that finished above us last year. It might just be that I’m unduly pessimistic.

Merchants of Death

London CAAT decided on a “Merchants of Death” walk as one part of our “Stop the Arms Trade Week”. Rather than a series of protests, this was a more sedate tour of Central London, with descriptions of certain companies thrown in. So thirteen of us met outside Victoria station and even had the sun shining on us. In terms of the types of companies we went to, there was a clear distinction.

Obviously, we took in major military producers and arms dealers such as BAe Systems, Boeing UK, Rolls Royce, Lockheed Martin (including INSYS), QinetiQ, MATRA BAe, Northrop Grumman, General Dynamics and Land Rover Leyland International Holdings. Among such “Merchants of Death” there is a long history of corruption, sometimes involving countries with serious records of human rights abuse, which underlines how indiscriminate the trade is.

In addition, the knowledgeable guides informed those present of the details of some of the numerous corporate mercenaries who have their offices in Central London. These include Spear Communications, Aegis Defence Services, Erinys International and ArmorGroup. These Private Military and Security Companies are making a killing out of wars in Iraq and Afghanistan in a trade worth more than $100 billion. PMSCs outnumber British soldiers in Iraq by a ratio of more than 6:1.

We were also able to discuss certain themes as we progressed. Rolls Royce, the single biggest employer of engineering graduates (BAe is second), benefits from the hundreds of millions that military exports are subsidised by and those subsidies clearly skewer the market. QinetiQ, owned now by the Carlyle Group (which includes John Major), and MATRA BAe, who supplied the last head of DESO, afforded us the opportunity to talk about the revolving door between government and business.

Another year of the Championship

Hull City v Watford

Wednesday 14^th May

I arrived at work to find all systems down and classes cancelled as a consequence. The guy who bid me leave said I’d be able to watch the Rangers game but I corrected him. Jun and I went to a pub near Mornington Crescent that I’d phoned to check would show it having been turned away from the local earlier. It was a dream start for us. After eleven minutes, good work by Jobi McAnuff led to Darius Henderson pulling off a one-two with Nathan Ellington in the box and slotting us in front. We stayed on the front foot and dominated without really looking like adding to the total until a couple of minutes before half-time when a Hull cross that didn’t look dangerous saw Richard Lee stranded and a ridiculously high header go over him and in.

We never looked like we’d score again after the break and with half an hour left Betty gambled by bringing on striker Tamas Priskin and taking off defender Adrian Mariappa, who’d made a terrible back pass in the first half and had been lucky not to give away a penalty in the second. The Hungarian smashed another shot at the keeper soon after coming on (as he had Sunday) but crossing the ball would probably have meant a goal. Hull took off Windass and brought on Folan, who made an immediate impact. It was downhill from there. They scored a second, meaning we needed three more (haven’t scored four all season), and in the final two minutes they added two more. The fans invaded the pitch twice and Mexican waves rocked the KC stadium. 6-1 on aggregate and yet we played better passing football than I’ve seen us do for ages. We need strikers, a midfielder, a right back and perhaps a keeper. As for the manager, that debate will rage but I’m prepared to stand by him if the dressing room are.

Same difference

Watford v Hull City

Sunday 11^th May

Our play-off semi-final first leg was full of incident and we actually played pretty well. With a Danny Shittu header disallowed after only five minutes, the boisterous Yellow Army might have been forgiven for thinking we’d score at home at last but with Nathan Ellington anonymous throughout, it was left for Jobi McAnuff to have the best (missed) chances with Tamas Priskin forcing a good save from their keeper and man-of-the-match, Myhill. However, way before the Hungarian impressed, we’d let in two early goals. The first derived from a mistake by centre-back Danny Shittu, who clashed into Mat Sadler out in the left-back’s position, leaving their winger to cross for a shot from Nick Barmby to slip under keeper Richard Lee. Fifteen minutes later after another scramble, Lee was unable to get up quick enough to stop a header from Dean “who ate all the pies” Windass.

The fans stayed behind the team for once and willed a goal before half-time that didn’t come. We started the second half in blistering form but that goal didn’t come and then our captain, John Eustace, got himself sent off for the second time in a couple of months and although we remained the better team, our chances of reducing the deficit ahead of Wednesday slipped by.

Scraping through

Blackpool v Watford

Sunday 4^th May

It was via the non-drama of BBC live text that I half-watched the drama unfold. Watford were one down within a couple of minutes at Bloomfield Road and still losing at half-time. Quarter of an hour into the second half and Darius Henderson received a second yellow leaving ten men to search for an equaliser. As it happens, at this stage of the afternoon even defeat would have left us in sixth but within ten minutes Tommy Smith, our player of the season, had equalised. Later Ipswich and Wolves both scored, which meant that the draw was what we required to see us into the play-offs on goal difference.

What can a fair-weather-fan say? I’ve used all the clichés about punching above our weight and have pointed out that the other relegated teams are still (and have now finished) below us. Nevertheless, with expectations so high after such a fantastic start to the season, how can the Yellow Army be less than disappointed with the performances of the last six months and the results over the last two? We can’t score, we don’t pass well and worse than that, we can’t beat even the lowest-placed sides in this division.

Home to third-placed Hull on Sunday 11^th and away on Wednesday 14^th must surely bring our season to an end. West Bromwich Albion finished champions and Stoke took second place. Bristol City (4^th) meet Crystal Palace in the other play-off final so I’d guess a Hull-Palace final at Wembley. Somehow, though, despite the narrow margin by which our season has been allowed to continue, there remains that fan’s hope that favouritism will triumph over realism.

Dire

Watford v Scunthorpe United

Saturday 26^th April

Air and Rod joined me at Euston for the train to the Moon and the ground to meet Joss, who had my season ticket. Their tickets hadn’t arrived so I’d phoned to have them left at reception and we were in before kick-off. The fans started in good voice but, in an all too familiar routine, there were boos when we went in goalless after forty-five minutes.

After sixty Ellington and Ainsworth came on and one of the kids in front of me who booed the Duke was given a right telling off by Liam, who suggested that our number 18 might score the decisive goal. “Optimistic,” I chimed but agreed with the wider point. It was Lionel Ainsworth who made the move of the match within minutes though, a run down the left followed by a cut-in and blocked shot but it was to no avail. Less than five minutes later, as I sat from chanting, I noticed their keeper’s hand go up and realised he was celebrating them going ahead.

The single goal won the game and after chants of “You’re not fit to wear the shirt” and more booing, any thoughts Betty may have had of coming to address the once-faithful were abandoned. The fact that Palace lost at Hull and Wolves only drew meant that despite this run of results, a play-off place remains in our own hands (and those of Blackpool next Sunday).

Congratulations (but not for the football)

Andjelka's Wedding
Watford v Crystal Palace
Saturday 19th April

Leaving it late as usual, we had to catch a (loathed) black-cab from the wrong direction we'd been sent after Pimlico station but we arrived at Sacred Heart Church on Horseferry Road before the bride-to-be, which is all that matters. Our subsequent movement from (rushed) groom’s side of the church to (correct) bride’s precipitated motion in others yet it was more gratifying to see we weren’t the last in.

I hadn’t been to a wedding (bar my own) since my mum’s in 1991 so it was no surprise that I found ten-year-old artefacts in my jacket pocket. What I was doing with a “Subway” card, though, I’m not sure. Andjelka came in with her mother, sister and bridesmaid (Martin was waiting with his dad and best man) and we proceeded to take the obligatory photos of the back of the soon-to-be-married couple’s heads. The service was largely in Croatian, which seemed fitting since the most devout members of the congregation seemed to be on the same half of the aisle as us.

After the vows pictures were taken on the street and said some hellos before boarding a double-decker for the reception in Epsom. Jun and I waved regally from the front of the top deck as pedestrians looked up in surprise. Champagne was provided and later so was a Balkan spirit whose “bouquet” was sufficient to discourage me. We took more pictures at the hotel and started on the champers they had there ahead of the meal. With so much to organise I felt complimented that a vegetarian option had been ordered.

After the bouquet had been caught by the bridesmaid, I called Joss, who told me – before the score – that it had been a good game, thereby getting my hopes up only to crush them with the news that we’d lost two-nil. It didn’t ruin a great evening though. We toasted the happy couple, ate, drank, danced and gambled on roulette and blackjack tables before catching a late train back.

A point won

West Bromwich Albion v Watford

Saturday 12^th April

Jun, Joss and I visited the Birmingham Museum and Art Gallery and took in some Rodin and Canaletto to use up the extra hours we had arriving for a 3 o’clock kick off when Sky had obliged a 5.20 start. We ate and watched a little rugby in a Wetherspoons and then left Jun in the town centre to catch a tram from Snow Hill. A few other Watford boys were on the platform but I talked to a Baggies fan as we disembarked at the Hawthorns.

The start could not have been better: six minutes in and we were a goal to the good but as there was no stadium announcement it wasn’t until after the game that we discovered it was Leigh Bromby who’d poached his first Hornets goal following a corner. The team sat back somewhat after that and Jordan Stewart, Lloyd Doyley and Danny Shittu all made vital contributions to keeping us ahead at the break, which afforded the fans their first opportunity to sit. However, the home team levelled soon after half-time. One WBA free kick had gone over and another hit the crossbar in the first half but early in the second a third led to a headed goal and although we’d had other chances to score during the first forty-five it was West Brom who played the better football and looked most like getting a second in the rest of the match. Three or four great saves from man-of-the-match Richard Lee earned us a good point.

As most of us had no doubt expected a mauling after Wednesday, relief was probably the dominant feeling among the travelling Yellow Army and with Bristol City and Hull drawing in their games too, Stoke were the only top five side to get three points and they are top again. Watford remain in fifth and likely to enter the play-offs.

We met Jun and, due to a rail replacement service, caught a couple of buses to Bedworth via Coventry, where Brian and mum picked us up after eleven. Cups of tea and trifle finished off the day, but not before “Nanny and Grandad” received the Xmas presents we’ve been holding for more than a hundred days. Sunday we spent some time in the garden and went bowling, where the younger Watford Boy won two of the games before we trained it back home.

To boo or not to boo? That is the question.

This Watford fan (for twenty-nine years) is struggling with the arguments around how to respond to his team’s lacklustre performances.

What is the role of the football spectator in the modern game? It may seem a slightly dramatic question but I couldn’t help but wonder after I’d hushed my thirteen-year-old nephew as he cat-called during Watford’s latest home defeat (Wednesday’s, to relegation-threatened Barnsley). In retrospect I (very) slightly regret infringing his freedom of expression (ok, I’ll stop with the melodrama) but I’ve done my best over the years I’ve been taking him to instil in him my own values as a supporter.

For me, the word says it all. I take the definition of “to support” to mean “to encourage/to help” and pride myself on leaving many games hoarse as I cheer on the Golden Boys whether they win, lose or draw.

In that way I have to admit to a slight sense of superiority to those who go to games and hardly make a noise (and trust me, at Watford’s Vicarage road stadium there are thousands) even when the team is playing well and winning.

A great memory from last year’s relegation season was going to Old Trafford mid-week and out-singing 70,000 Manchester United fans as they cruised past us 4-0. My nephew and I joined in the deriding of those “plastic supporters” but at the Vic it would be hard to describe the “Yellow Army” as anything approaching a genuine twelfth man.

Nevertheless, I understand the argument that people have paid good money (£25 to watch from where I sit) and therefore have the right to respond to poor performances in a manner they deem appropriate. For many on Wednesday, that meant booing individual players during the match, booing the team at half-time when we were only a goal down and had created chances of our own, while others voted with their feet before the hour mark after we’d conceded a third.

My first reaction to those who booed so early remains unchanged. I believe that this is the only noise these people make at Watford matches: in game after game the front and back rows of the stand I am in cheers the team on whereas the silence from the middle is as noticeable as it is from the Rous stand.

Coded messages of thanks from the manager, chairman and captain after an exceptionally rousing ten-man night against Leicester a couple of months ago had a clear subtext: “Why can’t you always give us that level of support?”

Digression aside, the question of the spectator’s role remains. Is football now merely another form of entertainment, which demands no more loyalty than the latest play at the local theatre? (I choose that comparison because in a cinema booing would have no effect on the performers.)

Money has flooded the sport and changed it forever. Nevertheless, for those who choose their team because of a loyalty to locality rather than a desire to be identified with “a winning product” (hence the legions of United and Arsenal “plastics” in Watford), surely the team does not need to “earn” support anew at every match?

The raising of expectations undoubtedly makes their disappointment a harder fall. Watford sat nine points clear at the top of the Championship in November and have produced only a handful of good performances since then but were still expected to beat Barnsley (despite their FA Cup heroics).

Similarly, the size of a club is not an unrelated matter. How happy must many of the fans of FC United and AFC Wimbledon be with their league performances compared to fans of Tottenham or Newcastle? Obviously more booing has been heard at the Premier League sides than at the non-league ones.

Perhaps there is something else? After all, the reactions of many of those who turn up to watch matches seem implicitly to agree with Bill Shankly’s legendary assessment of the beautiful game: that it is much more important than life and death.

Not for me; Perspective, Shankly, have a word. Whether we go up through the play-offs or not, I will not be booing Watford or leaving matches early. I do not believe this fact alone makes me a “better” supporter than those who do but ceteris paribus the ability to laugh in the face of defeat, yes, and even humiliation, might make me a better man.

What is the role of the spectator? Is it ever justified to boo your team or individual players? What would cause you to boo a performance?

Woeful

Watford v Barnsley

Wednesday 9^th April

Jun, Julie and Jo joined me for the trip from Euston to Watford where I reminded them that we could go top with a victory tonight. Phil came in with Joss to make a row of six of us watch the Hornets outplayed, outfought and outthought after a bright opening period. John Joe O’Toole stood and watched as a loose ball was simply played wide then crossed in for Sunday’s semi-final losers to open the scoring and the cat-calls started after the Rookery had begun with a wall of sound. There were boos at the half-time whistle.

The second half was two minutes old when the visitors scored again and within another seven minutes (in which Nathan Ellington had a header cleared off the line in front of us) they had added a third and people started leaving. I tried to get things going with “Wem-ber-ley, Wem-ber-ley, we never wanted to get promoted automatically” but nobody joined in. It was the same story with “Aidy Boothroyd’s banana army” later and after JJ (family friends of whom we had met Sunday) missed a sitter from three yards, it was a case of waiting it out until we could get back to the Moon Under Water. In the garden of the pub, another spectator opened his conversation by inviting agreement with the word that makes up the heading for this post.

A good day

Watford v Coventry City

Saturday 5^th April

For the second home game in three there were ridiculous queues to get into the Rookery (named after a silk mill at this end of town) and fans were getting angry with the stewards, especially after one directed us through previously shut gates telling us that she’d managed to get another turnstile open, only for us to be turned back again and have to hear her apologies. Last time it was due to a power failure but it seems to be down to the building work now. Why fans weren’t warned in advance if that is the case, I don’t know, but have mailed the club to complain.

We were in our seats five minutes into the match and had the surprising greeting of a goal from the perennially uninterested Duke, Nathan Ellington. If he is indeed a confidence player, the level of his self-belief can be no higher than the shot he had that slid along the turf and into the back of the net past Kasper Schmeichel, who was making his second visit to the Vic after blowing a kiss to a heckler near us in his previous loan spell (Cardiff on Boxing Day). Waving flags that had been given out before I got there, the fans cheered on the team as we dominated the rest of the first half and had a couple of good chances but only took a single goal lead into the break.

I used half-time to have an each-way flutter on a couple of horses in the Grand National (based only on their names) and watching Sky Sports News on the screens on the concourse stands so as to stay out of the rain, we were pleased to see Bristol City losing at Southampton. The other teams at the top weren’t playing: WBA had lost their FA Cup semi-final to Portsmouth earlier and Stoke host Crystal Palace on Monday. Other fixtures were affected by the fact that two more Championship sides meet in the other cup semi tomorrow.

Coventry took the game to us after the break and on about the hour mark they equalised, resulting in the predictable frustration from the less than faithful among the Watford “supporters”, and soon there were shouts for the manager to make the sort of changes he has failed to inspire with on too many occasions this season. As we got close to the eightieth minute I’d heard that Comply or Die had won the National so went to collect my winnings in the belief that I wouldn’t be missing much. Slim Pickings, my other horse, had come in fourth so there was money due on that too. I was watching on the screen as Tommy Smith latched on to a Richard Lee punt and put us back in front. I shouted first, alerting all the other frustrated fans around, and collected more than £50 winnings as the team took all three points.

Who will be next year’s April Fools?

If you want an early punt on who will be bottom of the Premiership in a year’s time, look no further than the winners of the Championship Play-Off Final on Saturday 24^th May at Wembley.

In the Premiership, Derby’s failure to beat Fulham coupled with Birmingham’s win meant the Rams become the first team to be relegated from the Premiership before April Fool’s Day and they look likely to record the worst points total ever. Meanwhile, in the Championship, five teams are vying for the two guaranteed promotion places with the potential misery of the play-offs for those who don’t go up automatically.

It may be heartbreaking to see dreams of promotion dashed in the play-offs, but for the play-off winners, it looks increasingly like the trophy won at the single most lucrative game in world football is no more than a chalice coated with a slow-working poison (it took ten months for its effects to ‘kill’ Derby’s dreams though some bookies were paying out on them for relegation in September last year, a mere four months after promotion).

Four of the last five play-off winners went straight back down (in reverse order: Derby (2008), Watford (2007), Crystal Palace (2005), Wolverhampton Wanderers (2004)) and for Wolves and Palace (it’s too early to call on the others) neither parachute payments nor the experience of playing in the Premier League were sufficient to facilitate a second, more successful promotion.

Who are in the running to be next year’s Derby? Three of the following five teams will almost certainly be in the play-offs with the other two going straight up: West Bromwich Albion, Bristol City, Stoke, Hull and Watford. The other play-off place will probably go to either Wolves or Ipswich.

Before I go any further I should emphasise the unpredictable nature of the league: no one team is dominating it and bottom has beaten top on more than one occasion in 2007/8. However, since November the Baggies, the best footballing team in the Championship, have looked most deserving to top the division and their goal difference makes this outcome even more likely. Indeed, West Brom, three points off first place with a game in hand on the other teams, and despite having four of their remaining six games away, including a tricky visit to the Molineux in two weeks’ time, should finish champions.

As things stand, Bristol City are in line to be the other automatically promoted team, a fantastic feat for the club promoted from League One at the end of last season. Nevertheless, whether through the play-offs or not, survival in the Premiership will be too much too soon for Gary Johnson’s side and immediate relegation beckons should they hold their nerve in a run up which includes a visit to second-placed Stoke and a home game with Wolves.

Stoke City won five games in a row in February, storming to the top of the division, but have only won once in seven matches since and seem to have peaked too soon for automatic promotion. They have arguably the easiest run-in of the top seven, with only one match against any of their immediate rivals and that at home, but they do not have the momentum to stay in the top two.

In stark contrast, Hull City are the Championship’s form team, with wins at Plymouth and West Brom in February and five victories in March, including a convincing 3-0 defeat of promotion rivals Watford at the KC Stadium. With the second best goal difference in the league, the Tigers should feel confident that if the teams above them slip up, they have what it takes to win automatic promotion.

Watford make up the fifth team in the running. Very briefly twelve points clear in November, the Hornets play four of their remaining six games at Vicarage Road. Their home record, however, is so poor that even twenty-first placed Barnsley have more home points. Despite all of the early running, the Hornets, who seem unable to score from open play since talisman Marlon King left, look doomed to the play-offs.

Ipswich have the best home record in the league, which has kept them just off the top pack, while Wolves’ late push for the play-offs is partly due to the inability of other teams to string wins together. Perhaps the meeting between the two will decide who has the extra games at the end of the season.

In summary, though, it is the unpredictability of the league that makes it so exciting and will keep fans on the edge of their seats till the final day. Judging by the season as a whole, it is not only the matches between the top teams that will matter. Cardiff, Coventry or Crystal Palace, each of whom plays three of these top teams, could yet decide who makes the top two.

Would you want to be next year’s Derby? Most fans would still rather have a year in the top league than failure at the last hurdle and the Championship for another year. I am with the Derby fans: there were more than thirty three thousand people at Pride Park watching two likely-relegated teams play. Loyalty may not be reciprocated by results but that is football.

Bristol City, Stoke City, Hull City and Watford are middling clubs who are punching slightly above their weight. Real fans will be happy about that even if they may also want more...What fan doesn't want more? More goals, more points, more clean sheets, more passing, more inspired substitutions, more tackles, more great signings…Hope is the fans’ life. However, if their team goes up, hope may be their only lifeline.

Who is next year's ...?

Hull City v Watford

Saturday 29^th March

We had drawn our seven previous games but the failure of the other teams at the top to do much better meant that before this match and with a game in hand, winning an automatic promotion place was still in our own hands. Hull have been the form team of late, with wins at Plymouth and West Brom in February and five victories in March, and started above us on goal difference.

When Jun and I got to Sarah and Trevor’s, my brother told me were 2-0 down but when I saw the reports a little later I was heartened by the fact that the Baggies were losing and Bristol City and Stoke were only drawing. Things got worse, however, and after we’d conceded another and Steve Kabba had been sent off, West Brom equalised and then went ahead and the Robins got a winner. By five o’clock we were fifth and five points behind the leaders. Automatic promotion is no longer only down to what we do.

In Premiership news, Derby’s failure to beat Fulham coupled with Birmingham’s win meant the Rams became the first team to be relegated from the Premiership before April Fool’s Day and they look likely to record the worst points total ever, conceivably less than half Watford’s 28-point haul of last season. West Brom, despite glitches, should make automatic promotion. The second place could go to Bristol City, Stoke, Hull or us. The others will be trying to make it to Wembley to win the most lucrative single game of football ever (until next year) and the honour of being the bookies’ favourite to be relegated.

Who will be next year’s Derby? I’d still rather it was us than be in the Championship for another year but many don’t feel the same and a significant number feel we are so bad that the manager should go. One defeat in thirteen is hardly cause for sackings but seven points from the last twenty four feels insufficient for a team hoping for promotion. Nevertheless, I am with the Derby fans: there were more than thirty three thousand people at Pride Park watching two likely-relegated teams play. Loyalty may not be reciprocated by results but that is football.

WFC are a middling club who are punching slightly above their weight. Real fans will be happy about that even if they may also want more...What fan doesn't want more? More goals, more points, more clean sheets, more passing, more inspired substitutions, more tackles, more great signings…Hope is the fans’ life.

Easter break

Plymouth Argyle v Watford

Saturday 22^nd March

Rod drove Air, Jun and I to Bristol Thursday night and after bed during breakfast Friday we chatted with a nice little old lady about places to go before she told us that if she were our age she’d get out and that white people would soon be in a museum. “We’re contributing,” I offered, but she was oblivious. We stopped for Cheddar Gorge and England's smallest city, Wells, but on the road along the North Devon coast we headed straight through Dunster, which she’d recommended (“Probably an Aryan museum there” Rod guessed), and in fact didn’t really stop again until the cold, grey, windy Bude beach, where surfers were pretending their experience was comparable to Hawaii.

Before we got to the match we visited Eden and came away less than impressed. A few pretty pictures of flowers are not worth £16/head especially when you’re sweating too much to read the signage. Parked in the stadium car park and took our seats for our third of four consecutive “big” games. Collins John started with Doris and had the best chance of the first twenty minutes but Jermaine “have a nice” Easter scored first and we had to wait about 200 seconds for Lee Williamson to curl in a free-kick to get the draw we played like we’d be happy with despite dominating possession.

In the second half they had Peter Halmosi sent-off with a second yellow but not before confrontation between their fans and our players ( Jordan Stewart and Mart Poom seemed to be in the thick of it) after our physio had squirted water on to Halmosi as he lay on the turf following the tackle that saw him dismissed. They made substitutions that counted, one of whom was called Lilian and the otherwise quiet bunch around me joined in with my “Lily, Lily, blow us a kiss” chant but it was the back rows’ “Do you speak English?” and “You’re Welsh and you know you are” that I liked. Plymouth having ten men livened things up but not so much that they actually got that interesting. Easter placed the ball well into the net but was offside and Danny Shittu had a trademark header cleared off the line so maybe another draw was fair. Bringing on Nathan Ellington for John hardly seemed inspired and after Doris got a yellow, meaning suspension, we could have done with giving Steve Kabba a run-out.

We stayed Saturday night in Looe on the recommendation of a mate and were impressed by the fishing-for-tourists village. I got up early to take pictures and had cause to regret not bring my camera’s battery charger. We got to the Mount of Saint Michael before pushing back to Exeter for the night. The trip was rounded off on Monday by a visit to the Cotswolds and I had seen more of England in a few days than ever in one go.

Ten go six for six

Watford v Stoke City

Saturday 15^th March

Julie, Jo and I had a sharp one in The Britannia on Euston’s concourse and made our way to Watford’s Moon Under Water, which has become a regular pit-stop, for an equally quick pint. We followed a few chanting Stokies for a way and met Joss at the seats. I had a spare ticket, which I’d offered belatedly and unconvincingly on my first attempt at “leading” a Jack the Ripper tour Friday evening, that I’d thought one of Joss’ friends might have taken up. It’s the first time that’s happened though my season ticket will be available for the Palace game in April (friends’ wedding) and much of next season. Let’s face it, the threat I made a few games ago was as empty as Luton Town’s bank account.

This was a déjà vu game: a man sent off, a positive reaction from fans and team, domination of possession (we were all over them yet with no real prospect of scoring), a saved Henderson penalty, a point. Stoke didn’t come to win so if the red card to our captain John Eustace, who we bought from them less than two months ago, was unjust, it’s time to claim robbery again. I haven’t seen it - the word is that it was high and given the injury to Eduardo, it is hardly an unbelievable decision - but joined in the invective aimed at the ref, Rob Styles, anyway. Why not?

We’ve had six draws in a row and yet automatic promotion is back in our own hands despite Hendo failing to convert penalties against the top two teams, losing us four points and gaining each of them one. Why? Simple, because they are dropping more points than us. Bristol City lost at home today to Plymouth Argyle while WBA (who drew at home to Palace on Wednesday) were 1-0 up, went down to ten men at home against relegation-worried Leicester and lost 4-1. Charlton have dropped out of the play-off places and it is Hull and Plymouth, our next two away games (I’m going to Home Park Easter Saturday), who are in fifth and sixth.

What would Joss be missing if I hadn’t already renewed our tickets? On the football side I believe it will be a Premiership season that we struggle to survive. If I’m wrong, it’ll be because we don’t go up and I wouldn’t like to wager on us getting out with the knowledge of no more parachute payments if we fail. That way only lies a to-January plan and the club don’t have the patience.

I expect, still - and given all I’ve seen - to be cheering on Watford for the first few weeks of another Premiership season come August and then allowing my ticket to be used by more fair-weather-fans while Jun and I head to the other side of the world. I hope those in the front-row seat go home at least as hoarse as I was today.

Fifth draw on the trot

Bristol City v Watford

Tuesday 11^th March

Before the game I was wondering why I hadn’t treated myself to this trip: I was hyper at home with no early start Wednesday. Then Three Counties Radio became unavailable online (contractual obligations, I believe) and so the experience was relegated to the trusty BBC live text online (refreshes every two minutes). An excerpt:

16:46
Attacking throw-in by Jamie McAllister (Bristol City).

16:07
Collins John (Watford) caught offside. Indirect free kick taken right-footed by Adriano Basso (Bristol City) from own half, resulting in open play.

15:07
Cross by Jordan Stewart (Watford), shot by Collins John (Watford) mishit left-footed from centre of penalty area (12 yards), missed right. Goal kick taken long by Adriano Basso (Bristol City).

It is not like being there.

Meanwhile I read that teams that play in red at home have the advantage, but worse, those that play in yellow or orange do worst at home - something no Watford fan would disagree with this season - and watched other scores come in (Luton went two-down at Carlisle within 30 minutes). Doing the latter evoked a fondness for smaller teams I’ve known supporters of: Brighton (Rob & Andy) equalised, as did Barnsley (Sue) while Oldham (Luke) go one- and Aldershot (Daniel from Old Street) two-nil up.

It’s not the same when a flash comes up “missed penalty” and you hurry your eyes to find out which team (us) and who (Darius Henderson).

Unsurprisingly, the lure of The Poles Are Coming, the latest in the BBC’s White season, was stronger than the static screen and I got to see Lithuanian’s and Poles who “loved to work hard” in Peterborough, “the first town in the world designed by a computer”. Or as the slightly insincere-seeming presenter summed the place up when closing: “strangely attractive to the rest of the world”.

The White season has been a mixed bag so far but the first documentary, Last Orders, which followed part of the slow demise of a Workingmen’s Club in a poor area of Bradford, has been the most ‘in-te-resting’. In some ways it called to mind Julian Baggini’s Welcome to Everytown, which I enjoyed six months ago, not least because of its concern with the concepts of fairness and desert. The programme, however, seemed keen to focus on BNP support whereas the book distinguished carefully between racism and a wariness of change.

The penalty was saved “superbly” and the game finished goalless. Watford had started in third and could be fourth after the Baggie’s home game against Palace (Glenn) tomorrow.

Two points lost, one place gained

Watford v Norwich City

Tuesday 4^th March

Walked to the Vic and there’d been some sort of power failure resulting in silly-size huddles by the turnstiles; I was huffing but the mood wasn’t like the MK game. Watford were dominating possession when I belatedly joined Joss in a wet and half-empty row, with a nod to a neighbour, and within a few hundred seconds Danny Shittu emerged as subtly as a cliché at a player-of-the-season awards ceremony to head another goal from a set piece.

Before the match Betty had come into the Rookery and shaken Joss’ hand (which beats me catching the ball a game or two ago) as he encouraged the twelfth man. The eleven dominated again but seem to have moved away from long balls down the middle only for long throw-ins and percentage play up front. Norwich didn’t make the same mistake twice and after the Duke, a square peg in the round Watford Way hole, missed a couple of free-kicks and Doris didn’t create anything, we ended up with three men trying to head the same ball with no opposition players in the picture. There were boos when scorer-in-the-last-game Jordan Stewart came on and more jeerers within five or ten minutes (a poor corner and a worse free-kick later) and inevitably some blaming him when Norwich equalised late on to win a lucky point.

A draw put us up a place to second behind the Robins, who got a point at Charlton. Walking out we heard the Baggies had won with the last kick of the game so the pressure is on. We are feeling it. The next two games are away at Ashton Gate and home to third-placed Stoke. We really needed all three points tonight and the Yellow Army was damp.

Two leads lost

Burnley v Watford

Saturday 1^st March

Tens of civilians are massacred by the Israeli war machine in Gaza the day after the country’s deputy defence minister threatens “a bigger shoah” and in a week that has already seen 33 Palestinians killed. The term “asymmetrical warfare” formalises the disparity highlighted by The Guardian that “80 Palestinians were killed and 82 injured by Israeli military strikes in Gaza in January alone. At the same time 267 rockets and 256 mortars were fired towards Israel, injuring nine Israelis.” The final score for the month, to recap: 80 Palestinian and no Israeli deaths, 82 Palestinian and 9 Israeli injuries. No wonder Matan Vilnai uses the word holocaust to describe the fate of the Palestinians.

Having gone to bed only after I’d stayed up all night and later read the threats in the paper that morning, I was up to watch the live text on the BBC website and see the Horns go from a goal up at Turf Moor (Darius Henderson) to conceding an equaliser before going ahead again through Jordan Stewart. Within a minute of that second goal, however, we’d let in another and the game finished 2-2. Stoke lost in midweek against Preston and play QPR away tomorrow. West Brom won today but so did Bristol City, who are now top of the league.