It's fun to lose and to pretend

Watford v Everton

Saturday 24th February

I cycled to Euston, locked my bike there and tubed to Speakers Corner to give out CAAT London leaflets about our March 19^th protests at the No Trident/Troops Out/Don’t Attack Iran march from there to Trafalgar Square. Jun and her friend K came down and we walked together asking if people were interested. We probably gave out two hundred and fifty and I met a few activists I knew and some I’d seen emails from.

I do not support an immediate withdrawal from Iraq but felt happy to offer my support to those calling for a diplomatic solution to the stand-off with Iran. As for replacing Trident with Trident Two, much was made of the number of schools or hospitals we could build with the money we’ll waste on replacing our nuclear weapons before such a decision needs to be made. The Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty, which the UK is a signatory to, calls for eventual disarmament and we are planning our nuclear weapons for the next generation. From Trafalgar Square and condemnations of UK foreign and domestic policy (the best was when a speaker suggested that British soldiers not be allowed to work anywhere they don’t speak the language, in an echo of government comments on “citizenship” in the UK), I got back to Euston and took my bike onto a new Silverlink train.

Kerry was in bed when I pulled up at four, and Joss didn’t come back until about twenty to five but it was the fact that I waited for the full-time results before we left that made us late for the game. The programme sellers were gone and we had to wait for half-time before we could buy them, by which time we were two goals down. In the twenty third minute, Richard Lee blocked a shot into the feet of two Everton strikers following up and Manuel Fernandez got there first. Within two minutes Andrew Johnson had sped through and been brought down for a penalty he converted. It was over and the Rookery was still warming up.

Most of the noise was reserved for Johnson, who may already have dived before we got there, calling him a cheat and lots of other names. Joss relished it and now faces back into the stand during the newly-adopted “We’re the front row,” geeing up the crowd but I stuck to facing forward and the Watford songs today. Tamas Priskin, brought on for Darius Henderson, made a lot of good opportunities for himself in the second half but none hit the target. Still, it was something to cheer.

We left early and were already cycling in the darkness of Cardiff Road when we heard a cheer that I took, correctly, it turned out, to be a third Everton goal in stoppage time. Charlton had thumped West Ham 4-0 earlier, so we know two of the three going down. Charlton must be feeling confident ahead of their visit to the Vic next Saturday. With one point out of our two home games this week, I am not.

Joss and I practised Spanish a bit before I headed back for Jun’s pasta and we went on to meet Julie and others in the Fullers pub on Tottenham Court Road near where we used to work. A pint there and we paid a fiver to get into the studenty Mean Fiddler for a bop on an empty dance floor before the band came on. Bussed it home for three and bought an early edition of the Observer that didn’t have our match report. I can just deny it.

That was the season that was

It’s been fun. I have, like so many before and with me, experienced these kinds of ups and downs before. I started supporting Watford in 1979 when my dad took me to a 2-2 draw with Rotherham in the old third division. Within the next 5 years I’d seen us beat all the big teams, come second in the league and make up the numbers at an F.A. Cup Final. A few years later we’d started much of the return journey. It’s been like that ever since, so obviously I’ve held out hope that we could scrape seventeenth this season. The Wigan game was one I said we must win before it was first played and abandoned. It was more obviously so today and a draw against ten men was a fair result.

That’s why we’re going down. Even against ten-man Ipswich at home in the FA Cup on Saturday there was only one beautiful piece of football, worthy of a Premiership team (from us at least). When I look back on the season so far, I see few others. Marlon King’s goal against West Ham in the opening home match; Ashley Young produced many of them before we sold him in January: runs and vision; Johan Cavalli looked like quality on his debut in the 1-0 victory in the Upton Park six-pointer, but has not shone in two half-games since. Hameur Bouazza has been up there and elsewhere, as has Tommy Smith. Our defence has stopped many good Premiership sides from getting onto the scoresheet, which speaks for itself about their quality as a unit. In my opinion, Ben Foster, who I regularly chant is “England’s number one”, has managed sublime (as in the double save that got him injured in the Wigan match) but has made a couple of costly mistakes too.

I am not on a witch-hunt. I disagreed with Steve Coppell when he said after Reading’s 0-0 draw at Watford’s Vicarage Road Stadium in early December, that commitment, effort and desire are ugly words. Watford have shown them aplenty and that is what the 12^th man responds to. I think they were only lacking significantly when Liverpool came to the Vic after their 6-2 hiding at home to Arsenal in the Carling Cup. We may have lost that game in the tunnel. A few fans have booed other patches of recent home performances against Bolton and Wigan. Not guilty.

I saw a comment on a West Ham site after our victory there ten days ago that conceded relegation for the Hammers, suggesting defeat by the worst ever team in the Premiership sealed it. I agree with half that sentiment. Charlton are dire and West Ham seem hardly to be functioning. They will both come down with us, statistics will decide the order of the fall. Watford may not be the worst team in the Premiership this year, let alone ever. We might be bottom of the league but three teams have lost more matches and five teams have conceded more goals. It’s just that no team has scored fewer.

On more than one occasion this season, our manager, Aidy Boothroyd, has used boxing similes to verbally portray Watford’s situation. “Muhammad Ali versus Jimmy Krankie” was just the most memorable. So, we have been punching above our weight. Not that well, though. If we can’t – at home – beat the only team it is statistically likely we could drag into the relegation battle should we have done so, and get off the bottom in the meantime, when they are down to ten men after 20 minutes, we are going down. I am throwing in the towel.

I know there are still thirty-three-theoretical points to play for and our season is far from over. The Wembley chants are not redundant yet, not with Plymouth away as our quarter-final draw, though I am not ruling out a “shock” on Sunday 11^th March from 6pm (?). We should probably notch up another two or three victories in the league too, especially with Charlton at the Vic in ten days. Nevertheless, I think I’ll be taking my nephew to Championship games again next year. At least there’ll be more league victories and goals. Yellow army! Yellow army!

Hasta luego

Watford v Wigan Athletic

Wednesday 21^st February

This has been the one. While the West Ham away match felt like it wouldn’t matter even if we won, it will if part of a run that includes victory today and against Charlton. I’ve had a strange feeling over the last few days, though, which evokes the Sheffield United defeat. Perhaps it’s the hope of an important victory. Maybe it will even become a good feeling. Back when the game was abandoned it felt like an important one to win, one we were going to win, but not like a six-pointer. Feel the power of that promise; I do.

Kerry walked Joss down and then took Dex around the stadium and home. We met, locked up and could hear Marlon King encouraging the fans to get behind the team and as soon as we got to our seats, a few minutes into the match, we started to give it our all. Joss mentioned beforehand that his head was alright and he shouted as much today as ever (he’s been quieter the last two matches). Wigan were good but I thought we looked like we wanted it more and when one of their players. Fitz Hall, got sent off for a two-footed tackle on Johan Cavalli after just 20 minutes, I was sure the six points were ours.

Doris Henderson poached one four minutes later to make it 1-0 and it was the icing on the rising cake. Hendo doubles his season’s tally in this match. When it matters. “Going down with the Charlton.” We joyously taunted. Then ten men broke through and Ben Foster made a fantastic double save that involved a challenge which left him injured and in need of attention. No keeper on the bench. “England’s number one” can’t walk properly or kick the ball. Adrian Mariappa takes three goal-kicks and something changes. Wigan break through again and Caleb Folan puts himself through and scores a good goal.

Something had changed. We were standing off, not passing well, not taking advantage of numbers but a few fans react too harshly. You can’t half-time-boo them at 1-1 against Wigan. Let’s get some sense of perspective. Anyway, as on Saturday, Hamuer Bouazza came on for Cavalli at half-time but didn’t produce anything telling. Hendo had a couple of good efforts go just over but they threatened too and a draw was fair. That’s why we’re going down…can’t beat 10 man-Wigan at home.

We did a little Spanish on the cycle ride home and went over stuff before he went to bed. Joss is clearly keen to be able to express himself in the language but hasn’t shown any enthusiasm for learning lists of words. So, we are practising questions and answers at the moment and his pronunciation is still improving. Not that mine is great but…Joss intende ensenar a Kerry un poco el espanol. I’ll have that checked before anyone reads it…

Que sera

Watford v Ipswich (F.A. Cup 5^th Round)

Saturday 17^th February

“Will you be playing a team of substitutes?” the Ipswich fan asked on the Silverlink at Euston.

“Nah, I think we need the boost of a cup run.”

“We’ll be the first team to win the cup and get relegated,” an unmarked fan laughed.

Unable to move the banter on, I returned to my newspaper and Russell Brand’s response to the Observer writer who spent a large part of last week’s Watford-victory match report on the hypothesis that there could be an inverse correlation between the comedian and West Ham, the team he supports. You can’t argue with Brand’s assertion that “Most football fans will have at some time in their life bartered with an indifferent God over the outcome of a match”, but I wouldn’t be offering too much on the result of this one.

This is Ipswich’s cup-final for the season if they don’t win but for us it is an aside, however much we pretend otherwise in order not to belittle the competition. Staying up is more likely than winning the cup, but is this a distraction? If winning really is a habit, then maybe I was on the button with my response to the Tractor Boy opposite me, but we cannot know that until after Wednesday’s game, so I’ll postpone judgement for the abandoned rematch.

Joss opened the door and Trevor was making rounds of fry-up sandwiches. Kerry made me a cuppa and Sarah came in with Kasey. I warned all to beware my flu germs and supped away while the males ate the lion’s share of the meat and bread then Joss and I cycled along Ebury Way asking and answering “Como se llama tu madre?” and suchlike with an emphasis on pronunciation. We’ve set him the target of being second best in his class (there is a native speaker in there) although it was the lowest score on his report.

Locked up, got programmes, moved someone on (again) before taking usual seats a couple of minutes in. Four thousand loud blue fans filled the Vicarage Road stand and I was too croaky for sustained shouts. Ipswich had the best chance of a mediocre first-half, hitting the crossbar, before having one of their players sent off for apparently stamping on Shittu just before the break. And breaks are what we seem to be getting at the moment.

However mediocre we were (Cavalli didn’t look as impressive today as last week, though there were good tackles, Shittu was back and effective), Ipswich with ten men should not have threatened us but they did again several times in the second half though we had what looked like a goal headed out without being given. Still, it took until two minutes from normal time for Damien Francis to hit the target (two good chances earlier from a similar position had gone wide) and put the Golden Boys into the quarter-finals. Smith did the hard work and made a cross that Henderson dummied for Francis to pass into the corner of the net in front of us. It was the only piece of attractive Watford football of the 94 minutes and we started singing of the long overdue London stadium that could be our destiny/destination.

Would I rather have won this or the Wigan match? Both.

Six points to the Golden Boys

The Premiership “six-pointers” got off to a surprising start with Watford’s victory at West Ham. The majority of observers, even ex-Watford (and England) manager Graham Taylor, saw this “must-win” going the way of the home team but, despite the Hammer’s unprecedented spending in January, Watford recorded their first two away wins of the season in a two-week period at Upton Park’s Boleyn Ground. Before the F.A. Cup Fourth Round match, most of the Yellow Army fans were saying that they would prefer a win in the league a fortnight later. Aidy “Betty” Boothroyd (after the House of Commons speaker), Watford’s ever-optimistic manager, said he’d rather win both. Betty’s preference prevailed.

There had been much talk of the run of three games in which the bottom three play each other, but such talk omits the fourth club in the relegation battle, Wigan. Whilst there is no certainty that it will be three of the bottom four that go down, especially in the light of Manchester City’s freefall into sixteenth place, the statistics would indicate that it is the teams with fewer than thirty points at this point that are most likely to drop down into the Championship. Omitting Wigan from the equation surely limits the discussion to being solely about the positions in which the teams go down.

Position	Team	Pld	Pts	GD
17	Wigan	26	25	-16
18	West Ham	27	20	-24
19	Charlton	27	20	-27
20	Watford	26	18	-22

West Ham and Charlton’s next match is their meeting at the Valley, and Charlton visit Watford’s Vicarage Road stadium the following week, but if you factor in Wigan games, there are three more crucial matches in the dogfight at the bottom of the table.

Wed 21^st Feb Watford v Wigan

Sat 24^th Feb. Charlton v West Ham

Sat 3^rd March Watford v Charlton

Sat 31^st March Charlton v Wigan

Sat 28^th April West Ham v Wigan

Beyond these “six-pointers”, if you look at fixtures against the “Big Four”, West Ham must be deemed to have the most difficult run-in, with games at Arsenal and Man Utd and home to Chelsea, while Charlton and Wigan “only” have to travel to Anfield and the Hornets face Chelsea at home. In all probability, this means there are two fewer games for West Ham to expect anything from than there are for the other teams at the bottom.

Where would your money be? A further look at the bottom end of the table shows that all of the teams play Sheffield United but only Charlton have them at home. Charlton and Wigan go to the City of Manchester Stadium, while Watford play Man City at home. Can much be made of such permutations? Will Watford’s run of three league games at home straight after a home tie against Ipswich in the Fifth round of the FA Cup (and the win at Upton Park) give them an advantage? Is the Cup a distraction at this stage, allowing the other three teams precious time off to recuperate?

There is much to debate for those of us concerned with our teams at the bottom, but the financial stakes are so high, we cannot help but ponder. West Ham’s spending in January was said to have totalled £17.5 million, Charlton spent between £3–4 million, Wigan spent a net £2.8 million whereas Watford have probably made around an £8 million profit in the transfer window, with the sale of their England under-21 winger Ashley Young to Aston Villa.

Certainly, Watford’s dealings seemed like preparation for the Championship, but bringing in eight players has also added some depth to the squad and galvanised players in all positions to fight for their places. Which of these four teams manages to overhaul the others may be something we are able to wonder about until May 13^th, but with players such as Lucas Neill and Matthew Upson reputedly earning so much, West Ham seem to have the most to lose and therefore seem to be the least well-equipped to bounce back should they be relegated.

In 2004/5, West Bromwich Albion, who were bottom at Christmas with 10 points, ultimately survived with 34 points. The same number of points would also have ensured 17th place in 2003/4 and 35 would have sufficed last year. In 2002/3, though, 43 points were necessary to retain premiership status. In the eleven years that there have been 20 teams in England’s top league, an average of 37 points has been the survival default. Who knows what it will be this year, but you can be sure that the point-counting has begun. And every six points matters.

A tale of two first penalties

West Ham v Watford

Saturday 10^th February

Never mind that we’d got on a wrong train and had to go back a stop from Aldgate, we made it to Upton Park for the second time in two weeks, with Joss predicting a 1-0 win, in plenty of time to join in the pre-match warm-up shouts. Joss, who’d been chatty on the train and quick to pick up the Spanish he was supposed to have learnt for today, had a bit of a headache from falling out of bed last night and didn’t shout as much as usual but I made up for him. We were twenty rows further back than a fortnight ago and amongst a loud bunch of kids who kept the shouting up all game.

It was the best of times on 13 minutes, when Henderson, who’d already looked better than he has been, was pulled back in the box by Anton Ferdinand and awarded a penalty. Our glee turned to apprehension when we saw he was to take it. In a long build-up, Calum Davenport was booked for encroaching but when Henderson stepped up, he calmly slotted it into the bottom left hand corner and the Horns were a goal ahead. It was Watford’s first Premiership penalty and Henderson’s first goal of the season. Such firsts so late in the term are amongst the reasons we are last.

Johan Cavalli, the French midfielder we signed on the transfer deadline day for free from Istres, made his debut and looked skilful and effective, shielding the ball well and weaving around players easily. Unable to read his name and not having heard it at the beginning, the deft touches he displayed led me to assume he was our Brazilian signing, Douglas Rinaldi. Anyway, I thought he was the most effective of the three midfielders who came in January that I have seen so far. He was playing where Hameur Bouazza would be, though, so I hope Betty can find a way to keep them both in the team. If so, it might have to be Damien Francis who makes way.

We were pretty resilient in defence, and when “England’s Number One” (who played his full debut for the national side in our lame 1-0 defeat to Spain on Wednesday) was called on to perform, he made a fine save from a Yossi Benayoun long range effort. Marlon Harewood missed a number of chances and we didn’t have too many more but we went in up at the break. Carlos Tevez came on in the second half and was their biggest threat for the next fifty minutes.

However, West Ham’s best chance came when our captain, Gavin Mahon, was adjudged to have fouled their captain, Nigel Reo Coker, and they were awarded their first penalty of the season. After we took our hands out of our heads, we joined in another bout of “England’s number one”. Foster, however, went the wrong way and could only watch as…Harewood hit it wide. I led another chant of “That’s why you’re going down” as West Ham had their worst of times. I do love this type of schadenfreude.

There was plenty to sing about and I led quite a few today. “Is this a library” and the Moses Ashikodi song after he came on, which was evidently new to many around. Steve Kabba also put a lot of work on and was rewarded with 2 chants. Mine (his name to the “Come on, come on” tune) was superseded by a “Super, super Steve, super, super Steve, super, super Steve, super Stevie Kabba”. We finished with “the Horns are staying up”. The Hammers next game is against Charlton, ours against Wigan. Then we play Charlton at the beginning of March. Nothing is absolutely ruled out yet. It is the epoch of belief.

We walked to East Ham, getting there a lot more quickly and easily than last time and a guy (Hammer) I play football with at Regents Park, Eric, was there by the ticket gates. I gave him a big hug, which he just loved. Joss and I practised more Spanish on the way home and he was remembering stuff well. I promised we’d take him abroad in the summer if he makes sufficient effort with the language. How do you say “bring on the FA Cup run” in Espanol?

False Starts

Watford v Bolton

Saturday 3^rd February

Hot chocolate break and with Charlton and West Ham losing, Wigan goalless and the Yellows in the ascendant, I was feeling hopeful. We are on 15 points and have played a game fewer than the Addicks and Irons who are on 20 each. On the 21^st we play our game in hand against the Latics who started the day with 22. Forget the ManUÔ game, back to back home wins will restart our Premiership season.

Scottish international Gareth Williams debuted as substitute for the debutant Lee Williamson in the second half but after a good chance for us, Bolton slowly gained the upper hand. The Rookery, however, was completing its conversion into celebratory mode. The shout was transformed to “We’re the back row” and “We’re the front row over here” (“right/left side” away) but it’s the first time we’ve had it at home and Joss was pleased. A few shouts in and the middle of the stand joined in too, resulting in a three-part round. On the field, though, threat after threat resulted in a Bolton corner that Ben Foster fluffed a punch at, resulting in a shot from 9 yards for Anelka to whack through the bodies and in. We were straight in with “Yellow Army” but then Bolton slowed the game and frustration began to set in.

Five minutes after the goal Hameur Bouazza was inexplicably substituted (the people wanted Henderson off) and another ten later Steve Kabba made his home debut for Francis. We had 3 strikers on the pitch but when the ball dropped for a shooting opportunity for Will Hoskins, he passed it (poorly) to Kabba and nothing came of it. There had been and were groans and moans and shouts and catcalls. What had happened to Moses Ashikodi? Why was Henderson still on the pitch? Why buy these attackers if you’re not going to use them instead of someone who hasn’t scored all season? In the final minute, their goalie Jaaskelainen handled outside the box; we called for a red card, got a yellow and a wasted free kick. Many fans left early and the team were booed off.

I didn’t join in. The performance was poor but there was a lot of heart. Bolton are in fifth place and renowned for making it hard for teams much better than us to play. To expect us to win was too much, even after the recent victories. Although there is some understandable frustration at Betty’s selection policies, the booing will not help a team in bottom place in the league. It is like a mother insulting her special-needs son’s intelligence. It ain’t helping matters. Charlton and West Ham lost 1-0 too but Wigan won by the same score. There are now 10 points and an eight-goal difference between us and safety. If we are to stay up, our season has to start

The mouse roars

Manchester United v Watford

Wednesday 31^st January

Drawing into Manchester Piccadilly Station at about twenty past six, Joss commented on the wet platforms. While much of the city has changed since I studied there between 1989 and 1992, the weather remains a constant element: reliably drizzly. We walked over to Piccadilly Gardens and got onto a packed tram for Old Trafford with foreign fans and a drunk local. I wiped my glasses dry again.

Joss (who already knew we’d drawn Ipswich at home in the fifth round of the cup) forecasted 3-0 to the Golden Boys for the night, the first time he’s been so unrealistic, in my view. I think this (and his refusal (a) to say whether he preferred Wayne Rooney or Christiano Ronaldo and (b) to be impressed by the stadium later) is a mark of his complete conversion to the yellow side. After the warranted abuse we hurled at their fans later, there can be no going back.

Outside the stadium we got talking to Anders from Sweden, a Watford fan who’d been converted after playing “Football Manager” back in 1998, and had spent £20 getting from Stockholm to Stanstead and a further £200 getting from there to Manchester. Al Gore would not be impressed at that ratio. To add to his expenditure, he’d put a tenner on Damien Francis scoring the only goal in a 1-0 Watford victory, at 35-1. He talked about our last stint in the Premiership and I explained a little to Joss about the victories over Liverpool and Chelsea in the 1999-2000 season.

We said our goodbyes (though he was just five rows in front of us inside) and took our back-row seats about 25 minutes before kick-off among fans who’d already started shouting encouragement to the team warming up. The rest of the stadium was quiet (due perhaps to the fact that it was mostly empty) and we could read the seats at the Stretford End but not the “big” screen. As though we’d willed him into appearing by mentioning his winning goal more than seven years previously in the 1-0 win at Anfield with Anders, Tommy Mooney was a few rows down in a flat cap (looking slightly Michael Stipe-like) and being celebrated.

Well, the Yellow Army’s enthusiasm far out lasted the resistance of the eleven men on the pitch. After twenty minutes Jay Demerit was penalised for pulling back Ole Gunnar Solskjaer in the box (though it looked like the hobbit had handballed it first) and Ronaldo dummied (meaning a bunch of players encroached) and scored from the spot. United toyed with us and perhaps thought they didn’t need to try too hard but we defended well against such nonchalance though hardly threatened them. United fans’ shouts for Rooney were hijacked by us for Mooney (turning into “Sign him up”) and we offered to sing for them as per. A minute or so before the break with the score still 1-0 (to the referee) I joined in the “Time for prawn sandwiches” chant and had to explain it to my nephew.

United were all over us to an even greater extent in the second half but it still took 15 minutes for their fans to wake up. Then Lloyd Doyley, who wears the same number shirt as Joss (but isn’t 12 years old) put his head on a cross and got himself an own goal. The lad played a massive part last season but hasn’t featured so much this. Painful to start here and do that. More painful because the inevitability of a goal had finally kick-started home support just a minute or three previously. Doyley’s almost seemed a response to that. I started a “We’re gonna win 3-2” chant, but it wasn’t until 11 minutes and two goals later that the idea took off. This time it was “We’re gonna win 5-4” and we got a laugh.

There were the usual songs for the team but with the competition over, the focus on the quiet of the stadium consumed us. “Your support is fucking shit”, “4-0 and you still don’t sing”, “We sing cos we love our team” and even two rounds of “United” (to do as we offered) were followed by “Worst support we’ve ever seen”. In addition, our support split to “We’re the right side over here” and “We’re the left side over here”, which has inexplicably been Joss’ favourite since the game at Craven Cottage. Aidy broke his rule and waved during the game to us when bid to, and we left still shouting.

The greatest disappointment was not the score but the fact that I never heard the roar of 70,000 people. Deyika picked us up and we had take-away pizza at his place on the eleventh floor in Moss Side, from the window of which you can see the ground. Miho and I watched Desperate Housewives on E4 while Deyika beat Joss three times at Pro Evolution Soccer 3.

Thursday 1^st February

The paper on the train home (and Aidy’s email) related the fact that we’d signed three more players (Gareth Williamson, Cedric Aninel, Johan Cavalli) and taken another (Douglas Rinaldi) on loan just before the transfer deadline. We may have resigned ourselves to going down, but the manager is insisting that we are preparing for the future (he doesn’t admit that this means promotion next year).