Tuesday 12th September
I missed a call while playing my fifth game of squash in 8 days yesterday. It was Bianca from 1 vs. 100 and when I rang back she asked me to take part in the filming for the show on Saturday in Wembley. Of course I accepted though I find it difficult to believe that I managed to avoid the pilot and get on the real thing. I wrote about the fake enthusiasm of the audition earlier but didn’t mention that there were a disproportionate amount of entertainment/celebrity questions - Beyonce’s real name, etc. - which is not my strong point at all. The format did allow for some choice of category if you were the ‘1’, though, and so I’ll keep my fingers doubly crossed. Oh, and I’ll try to do a little work on those subjects this week. Name of Britney’s kid, husband, albums and singles. The sort of trivial shit you’d be ashamed to let your mates know you knew (unless it wins you some money).
Bianca didn’t say so, but I have heard the quiz is part of the National Lottery programme on BBC1, and they give out serious money on that. It’ll probably all end in me just getting my expenses for the train (which may mean I’ll be able to go to Watford for the Villa match afterwards at their expense) but the chance to win several thousand pounds is too rare to refuse though I am not sure it is as high as the one percent that the title seems to promise. After all, you have to be chosen first (1% chance) and then beat all the other people. How hard is that?
Still, the chances are significantly better than Fourteen Million to One, though, which is (also) the title of the novel about a stolen winning lottery ticket that a mate of mine has just written under the pen-name Jason Nightingale. You can buy it through Amazon, of course, and it’s published by The Underground Press. One of my squash partners, Hanna, and I both read it (and made suggestions in its earlier phases) and we were pleasantly surprised: it was a real page-turner. (I can probably get you a copy cheap if you don’t mind me taking a small cut.) I’ve promised “Jason” that I’ll plug the book if I get the chance on the show (if Dermot O’Leary lets me).
I also filled in and out a Weakest Link application form today that I will send off later. The difficulty will be getting on, I’m sure, but the probability of winning if you do get to stand opposite the cosmetically-enhanced ginger one is significantly higher. With only 9 contestants, it is – ceterus paribus – more than10% but you’ve got to allow for the dumbfucks who answer “Which UK country…?” questions with “Paris”, as well as those who ‘pass’ when they mean ‘bank’. All in all, my chances of winning on that show are closer to 25%, I’d modestly say.
OK, I’m not recovering.
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